The Prodigal

 

 

I feel quite miserable yet hopeful that things will change for the better. The emotional cycle I go through is quite unpredictable, from summit to trough, extremely at both ends of the spectrum. In light of various circumstances, I am still thankful of the fact that despite failures, mistakes and wrong decisions, I am being given the nth lease to life.

As I harbor these feelings, I savor, though reluctantly, the pain it brings; for only through suffering the pain that true joy arises. The picture of the prodigal son being embraced by his welcoming father brings me to a realization of how humanly possible unconditional love is; how humanly possible we fall into the quagmire of our own selfishness, and how humanly possible, despite our pride, we learn to humble ourselves before our defeat and failures. The magnitude of the frame of the human condition that the parable of the prodigal son succinctly captures brings humanity closer to the divine. For what is to love and forgive but divine.

I go through the depths of my being, knowing fully well how and why I have come to this point. Yet, I am not ready to face reality as it poses itself to me. The world as I see it, depends much on the creations of each and every mind that enters into time-space, being degenerated into the limitations of the material; the spiritual left to fend for its own. I wonder why in the magnificence of it all, there is a seeming lack that haunts my very soul, draining each and everytime whatever hope or promise there is. I harbor these feelings, knowing full well that these too shall pass.

As I open my heart in the words of men, I open my soul to the universe, to accept me as a newly born child, with my cries of dependence, excited about the first rays of sunshine to touch my skin or the first taste of human love. There is a wonder to it all and I savor new life, the new eyes, the new breath, when everything is new despite its oldness.

I speak to the universe, to carry me to its bossom, to bring back its prodigal son to its embrace, and rather soothingly, in all love, whisper in my ear, the gentle and sweet words," welcome back my child."

The Power Within

What of the power within, what of the hero inside, what of the divine in thyself. 

It is a liberating thought; a freeing idea, a breath of fresh air after a period of dreary melancholy. What of the power within, does give life to a death of existence, lived each day only to survive. Each day is a creation, of thought, of actions, of life. Each day finds meaning only because I have chosen to find meaning. Life is a choice, my everyday existence is a choice to live.

It is a choice to be happy. I am happy beyond measure for I choose to be happy. In everything, there is happiness, even in the most uncertain and unexpected of situations. Happiness begins within, from a self-fulfillment only you and I understand. The walls that were built by centuries of beliefs and traditions are walls penetrable not by resistance but by sheer understanding of the power within. The walls that divide between you and your happiness, between you and yourself, between you and your destiny, are walls readily  fallen by the might of your choice - to be happy, to be yourself, to fulfill your destiny. No one else can give you and I the happiness we desire. It is you. It is I. 

I shout it to the universe, I declare it to realms unknown, I surrender. I surrender to to the infinite possibilities of life. I surrender to the magnificence of it all, to the beauty of life still unbeknownst to men. I surrender to the magnanimity of the powers within and without, to the living vibrance and essence that makes grass grow, that caresses the blossoming flower as dew drops trickle to the heart of its beauty. There is something, someone greater than ourselves. I surrender. 

What of the hero inside, does brave the battles as opportunities to grow. I look for strength, but only within does true courage reside. The courage to rise above the din of the crowd, a crowd created by a multitude, a multiplicity of uncertainties and anxieties, a multiplicity of worries and denials. I rise above it all. 

I emerge victorious, broken yet whole, broken only to be re-born, only to find the self that has always been. I emerge free, flowing as the river flows into the ocean of my destiny.  I emerge free, blowing as the wind blows, around and to the nether lands.I emerge free, dancing to the music of my heart, to the tune of my destiny. I am free. 

I look at the sky above, in a moonless starry night. My heart leaps with joy, as I feel myself part of a universe, created to provide me everything I need and I ever want. As I look beyond the horizon, beyond that stars that twinkle in their solitary place, I find myself - among the stars, among the promise of hope and of life. As I sing my song, the tunes of the universe sing along. 

What of the divine! 

New Beginnings

It has rather been an emotional journey for me. I am in my first week of office and everything seems ok. I just hope that I can adjust normally and get along really well with my work and my colleagues. Time flies fast indeed! I now face the real thing, with almost everything down to zero once again. I am going forward to new beginnings. I am a fan of beginnings. 

Beginnings. Indeed, I am looking at things with new eyes once again, hoping that the future holds all my heart's desires. The wonder of it all captures itself in the serene smile of a child, innocent amid the complex realities of the world. The candor of a soldier is belittled by the sweet laughter that finds itself dancing with the cadence of the wind as the soft breeze beckons me to sleep. As I dream of worlds forlorn, over and above the castles of yesteryears; as the fantasies of worlds beyond our imagination build into the smoky air, there seems to be a light, dim as it is, calling for my soul to jump into the vastness of the mystery of life. It is a leap of faith, a leap I have to make yet again as I journey into a world, unknown, unchartered yet full of promise. In that leap, I raise my voice with all the might I can master, and declare to the universe and all there was, there is and there will ever be, that I am who I am. I am the creator of my destiny, the captain of my ship. As I tread the waters and dive into the uncertainty of it all, in my heart springs joy, an eternal joy from within only comparable to that sweet laughter. 

If in my heart, I find emptiness, it is only because I do not have someone to share my life with. If in my heart, there is longing, it is only because I do not have someone to share my love with. If in my heart, there is a yearning desire, it is only because I do not have someone to share my journey with. The road may seem long and arduous, as countless have tried to climb the mountain of their destiny, but I shall soar above the sky and view the mountains as my home for eternity.

I look toward the horizon, emboldened by the realization that I am loved, that I am blessed, and that all I ever need is within my grasp. I am strengthened by the joy I feel, by the gratitude that springs from my heart for the wonderful years that have gone by. It is indeed a wonderful journey. It is just beginning. 

Today, I declare it to the universe, I shall conquer my heart. I shall conquer the world. 

Bliss, sweet bliss!  

Crossroads

It has been a rather interesting experience. Yesterday, I explored the world once more, trying to find myself and redefine my life. I'm at a crossroad, not really knowing where I will go from here but hoping the road I chose leads me to where I should be. Quite interesting since i found myself in the pit once again, trying to understand what it means to be there. I have been confused, I still am. I have yet to struggle and grapple with the realities of who I am. I have yet to understand the many facets of me. 

I am at a crossroads indeed. It may not be the most ideal of situations, but yesterday did give me an opportunity to reassess and re-evaluate what I have been trying to do these past few months. It has never been easy but I now know I can do it. I now understand that the feelings and emotions of yesterdays no longer hold true. There are things I need to deconstruct at this point. There are things I need to rebuild and recreate to achieve my full potential. I now know that there is something more to what is seen indeed. 

I pray and hope that the world will unfold as it should. In the inner recesses of my being, I resonate the sound of my soul, its music filling the world with hope, trying to rise above the din of the crowd. I long for something that will fulfill the yearning of my heart; something that will fill the emptiness within.The journey has just begun.

I yearn to dance with the cadence of the wind, swaying freely as it blows into the netherlands. I long for the soft breeze of every morning; for the dew that drips from the leaves refreshed from its thirst in this dry and arid land. I desire the first ray of sunshine as it rises in the horizon, filling a palette of colors in a serene ocean. 

As I look at the stars in a moonless night, I wander.  I wander of how my life will end. I wander over the end of the journey, where the trail leads me to somewhere I have never been. I wander over the forest of darkness, where only unfamiliar sounds beckon the presence of life. I wander over the depths of the sea, where life promises to be equal its beauty. I wander over the vastness of space, over the limitless possibilities of existence. I wander for home. There, I shall find rest. There, I shall be who I am.

Today, at this time, I declare it to the universe. I am free. I am who I am.

New Directions

I am reassessing my life at the moment. It has been an amazing journey since I started with my new work. I am learning a lot; I have been to places I've never been to, I have met new colleagues and hopefully new friends. My life is changing for the better. Perhaps, for the best. 

Each morning as I wake up, I imagine myself a changed man. I declare it to the universe. I envision myself in the best possible way I can. This is my journey - a journey towards achieving my full potential. I am meant for greater things and each day is leading me to that. The direction of my life has been clearer more than ever. The path is long yet each step I take is a step closer to my destination. I surrender my future to Him who knows what is best. For now, I am basking in the wonder of my new found self. 

I have never felt more satisfied; more complete; more at peace with myself. The days are gone when my choices and decisions in life keep me deep into the quagmire of my selfishness. It is now I realize that determination and perseverance get the prize. Each day, I struggle. Each day, I enjoy the struggle for each day is a testament of the power I hold over my life and my destiny. Each day is a testament of the miracles and blessings that abound around me. Each day is a new day for a new self. Each day, I am redefining me. 

I am happy and grateful for the second chance to life given to me. I will not waste it. I have been down the other road before. It is not worth going back. New directions have been presented and I grab the opportunities that come my way. New directions lead me to where I should be. New directions point me to finding and re-discovering myself. 

I declare it to the universe, I am free! Yes, free at last!

Finding Me

What a journey. I am seeing the world with new eyes. It's a beautiful world indeed. As I wake up each morning, I declare to the universe that I am a miracle. For indeed, I am a miracle. Miracles happen every day if only we believe. 

The miracle of my life is finding myself. It is a tortuous journey, an uphill climb yet worth the challenge. I am hopeful of what is to come. For everything is a miracle and I believe in miracles. The miracle of my life is the quest for myself. Like the shepherd of Andalusia, the journey of a lifetime, in search for wealth and his Personal Legend, started and ended in the same place. It has come full circle and the miracle of my life is beginning to unfold in shaping that circle into existence. 

The symbol of my journey is a circle. The miracle of my life is in the circle. I shall end where I began.

Phoenix

It is refreshing to recognize myself once again. For the longest time, I have failed to look within and understand what there is. Joy springs from the inner recesses of my being as I breathe life once again. For to be born again is to rise from the ashes, to overcome the darkness of nothingness to the promise of hope. Yes, there is something out there waiting to be uncovered. It is there where I shall be who I am. 

To confront oneself, much less, to acknowledge one's weakness is difficult, if not, fearsome. To say "I need help," is an assertion of one's weakness yet it is also an assertion of one's stake in being. There is much to know in the height, width and depth of one's being. As I stare at myself looking at myself, I begin to understand where to begin. 

There is only one choice in life -- to be happy. Happiness is a choice. It has always been a choice. True happiness is a decision one must stake his whole life into. It is a decision to live for the rest of forever. There is much to be understood in this world, but to "fall in love and stay in love" in an absolute way to something that gives reason for you to wake up in the morning is a decision towards happiness. The road towards happiness is a process of leaving tracks for others to follow. The road towards happiness is built by small instances of happiness as one lives through each day knowing in his heart that it is worth doing. The building blocks of happiness are in the little deeds of kindness, the little sacrifices in the most mundane of situations. For these blocks, small as they may seem, can build an edifice strong enough to weather the storms of life. Happiness indeed, is a decision. 

As the phoenix rises from the ashes, I find myself breathing life once again.