New Beginnings

It has rather been an emotional journey for me. I am in my first week of office and everything seems ok. I just hope that I can adjust normally and get along really well with my work and my colleagues. Time flies fast indeed! I now face the real thing, with almost everything down to zero once again. I am going forward to new beginnings. I am a fan of beginnings. 

Beginnings. Indeed, I am looking at things with new eyes once again, hoping that the future holds all my heart's desires. The wonder of it all captures itself in the serene smile of a child, innocent amid the complex realities of the world. The candor of a soldier is belittled by the sweet laughter that finds itself dancing with the cadence of the wind as the soft breeze beckons me to sleep. As I dream of worlds forlorn, over and above the castles of yesteryears; as the fantasies of worlds beyond our imagination build into the smoky air, there seems to be a light, dim as it is, calling for my soul to jump into the vastness of the mystery of life. It is a leap of faith, a leap I have to make yet again as I journey into a world, unknown, unchartered yet full of promise. In that leap, I raise my voice with all the might I can master, and declare to the universe and all there was, there is and there will ever be, that I am who I am. I am the creator of my destiny, the captain of my ship. As I tread the waters and dive into the uncertainty of it all, in my heart springs joy, an eternal joy from within only comparable to that sweet laughter. 

If in my heart, I find emptiness, it is only because I do not have someone to share my life with. If in my heart, there is longing, it is only because I do not have someone to share my love with. If in my heart, there is a yearning desire, it is only because I do not have someone to share my journey with. The road may seem long and arduous, as countless have tried to climb the mountain of their destiny, but I shall soar above the sky and view the mountains as my home for eternity.

I look toward the horizon, emboldened by the realization that I am loved, that I am blessed, and that all I ever need is within my grasp. I am strengthened by the joy I feel, by the gratitude that springs from my heart for the wonderful years that have gone by. It is indeed a wonderful journey. It is just beginning. 

Today, I declare it to the universe, I shall conquer my heart. I shall conquer the world. 

Bliss, sweet bliss!  

Crossroads

It has been a rather interesting experience. Yesterday, I explored the world once more, trying to find myself and redefine my life. I'm at a crossroad, not really knowing where I will go from here but hoping the road I chose leads me to where I should be. Quite interesting since i found myself in the pit once again, trying to understand what it means to be there. I have been confused, I still am. I have yet to struggle and grapple with the realities of who I am. I have yet to understand the many facets of me. 

I am at a crossroads indeed. It may not be the most ideal of situations, but yesterday did give me an opportunity to reassess and re-evaluate what I have been trying to do these past few months. It has never been easy but I now know I can do it. I now understand that the feelings and emotions of yesterdays no longer hold true. There are things I need to deconstruct at this point. There are things I need to rebuild and recreate to achieve my full potential. I now know that there is something more to what is seen indeed. 

I pray and hope that the world will unfold as it should. In the inner recesses of my being, I resonate the sound of my soul, its music filling the world with hope, trying to rise above the din of the crowd. I long for something that will fulfill the yearning of my heart; something that will fill the emptiness within.The journey has just begun.

I yearn to dance with the cadence of the wind, swaying freely as it blows into the netherlands. I long for the soft breeze of every morning; for the dew that drips from the leaves refreshed from its thirst in this dry and arid land. I desire the first ray of sunshine as it rises in the horizon, filling a palette of colors in a serene ocean. 

As I look at the stars in a moonless night, I wander.  I wander of how my life will end. I wander over the end of the journey, where the trail leads me to somewhere I have never been. I wander over the forest of darkness, where only unfamiliar sounds beckon the presence of life. I wander over the depths of the sea, where life promises to be equal its beauty. I wander over the vastness of space, over the limitless possibilities of existence. I wander for home. There, I shall find rest. There, I shall be who I am.

Today, at this time, I declare it to the universe. I am free. I am who I am.

New Directions

I am reassessing my life at the moment. It has been an amazing journey since I started with my new work. I am learning a lot; I have been to places I've never been to, I have met new colleagues and hopefully new friends. My life is changing for the better. Perhaps, for the best. 

Each morning as I wake up, I imagine myself a changed man. I declare it to the universe. I envision myself in the best possible way I can. This is my journey - a journey towards achieving my full potential. I am meant for greater things and each day is leading me to that. The direction of my life has been clearer more than ever. The path is long yet each step I take is a step closer to my destination. I surrender my future to Him who knows what is best. For now, I am basking in the wonder of my new found self. 

I have never felt more satisfied; more complete; more at peace with myself. The days are gone when my choices and decisions in life keep me deep into the quagmire of my selfishness. It is now I realize that determination and perseverance get the prize. Each day, I struggle. Each day, I enjoy the struggle for each day is a testament of the power I hold over my life and my destiny. Each day is a testament of the miracles and blessings that abound around me. Each day is a new day for a new self. Each day, I am redefining me. 

I am happy and grateful for the second chance to life given to me. I will not waste it. I have been down the other road before. It is not worth going back. New directions have been presented and I grab the opportunities that come my way. New directions lead me to where I should be. New directions point me to finding and re-discovering myself. 

I declare it to the universe, I am free! Yes, free at last!

Finding Me

What a journey. I am seeing the world with new eyes. It's a beautiful world indeed. As I wake up each morning, I declare to the universe that I am a miracle. For indeed, I am a miracle. Miracles happen every day if only we believe. 

The miracle of my life is finding myself. It is a tortuous journey, an uphill climb yet worth the challenge. I am hopeful of what is to come. For everything is a miracle and I believe in miracles. The miracle of my life is the quest for myself. Like the shepherd of Andalusia, the journey of a lifetime, in search for wealth and his Personal Legend, started and ended in the same place. It has come full circle and the miracle of my life is beginning to unfold in shaping that circle into existence. 

The symbol of my journey is a circle. The miracle of my life is in the circle. I shall end where I began.

Phoenix

It is refreshing to recognize myself once again. For the longest time, I have failed to look within and understand what there is. Joy springs from the inner recesses of my being as I breathe life once again. For to be born again is to rise from the ashes, to overcome the darkness of nothingness to the promise of hope. Yes, there is something out there waiting to be uncovered. It is there where I shall be who I am. 

To confront oneself, much less, to acknowledge one's weakness is difficult, if not, fearsome. To say "I need help," is an assertion of one's weakness yet it is also an assertion of one's stake in being. There is much to know in the height, width and depth of one's being. As I stare at myself looking at myself, I begin to understand where to begin. 

There is only one choice in life -- to be happy. Happiness is a choice. It has always been a choice. True happiness is a decision one must stake his whole life into. It is a decision to live for the rest of forever. There is much to be understood in this world, but to "fall in love and stay in love" in an absolute way to something that gives reason for you to wake up in the morning is a decision towards happiness. The road towards happiness is a process of leaving tracks for others to follow. The road towards happiness is built by small instances of happiness as one lives through each day knowing in his heart that it is worth doing. The building blocks of happiness are in the little deeds of kindness, the little sacrifices in the most mundane of situations. For these blocks, small as they may seem, can build an edifice strong enough to weather the storms of life. Happiness indeed, is a decision. 

As the phoenix rises from the ashes, I find myself breathing life once again.

Paalam

Sa bawat patak ng ulan
At pagdampi ng hanging amihan
Ako'y nakatanaw
Sa paraisong walang hangganan

Pagkat sa 'yong paglisan
Nagunaw ang buhay kong tangan
Walang humpay
Sa pagsambit ng 'yong pangalan

Paalam

Sozein ta phainomena

More than ever, I am re-thinking my life and the way it should be. I am starting all over again, finding my way and my place in the greater scheme of things. I look at myself and I see somebody who is not yet confident, not quite ready to take on the challenge yet there present at every situation, at every moment, that would compromise his confidence even more. In spite of it all, I see somebody getting stronger, growing more mature and wise each passing day. 

The world is indeed full of people, diverse as the sands in the shore. Shifting through the diversity takes a while. Somehow, we find our place in this diversity, our niche, the place where we can best survive, the place where we can call home. In the truest sense of the word, home becomes more apparent, readily and convincingly, in the inner recesses of one's being, where the world stops to its core, relying solely on the beating of one's heart, and there, a whisper of hope, of passion and of love arises. 

Truly, there is a place for all of us. A sense of purpose drives most of us, even blindly at first, to just take the plunge and trust that there must be more than what is seen, sozein ta phainomena. There is more to the track left in the woodlands. There is more to the footprint as the ebb and flow of tide comes to shore. There is more to the shadow cast in the presence of light. There is more than what meets the eye.

A Happy Accident

I write yet again after a long period of slumber. I missed doing this. I hope I will be able to update this blog more often from now on...

Bliss! I am not sure what emotional state I am in at the moment, it seems everything is mixed up for now. A lot has indeed happened and I can't seem to process these yet...I am at a crossroads, of uncertainty and certainty; of fear and hope; of highs and lows...Yet, I am excited of what is to come, for me, for us, for the vast network of interconnectedness where I belong. I long for change and change is to come. 

The long wait is finally over. Our appointment signed by the President was finally released. Clouds of doubt and uncertainty have finally settled to their resting place. I finally tendered resignation. I finally am resolved to take this step further; take a risk further; push myself further. I am hopeful. I am excited. 

As these all are happening, something within me remains restless, restless as a child wanting comfort from the bosom of his mother; restless as a cub waiting for the warmth of love; restless as a river flowing silently into the sea. Oh, the tempest of it all! Something within me is longing for something else; something more than honor or praise, appreciation and recognition; something more than the soothing caresses of the wind in the midnight run or the soft embrace of the night as it beckons me to sleep. Something within me just can't settle for anything less anymore. 

I am in search for more than what is now. What is seems linear at this point; that the curves and blinds of the road become exciting, mysterious as they may seem, yet they give the influx of energy to the weary traveler. I am in search for something more than the water that quenches my thirst in this dry and arid land. An oasis is in sight yet the mirage seems to be more appealing that the oasis itself. For when in the oasis, the beauty of it all, surreal as it may seem, will soon fade and give way to the ordinary. Soon, the excitement will fade along. 

Yet I am hopeful for what is to come. It is there where I shall continue to live my life and paint the picture of my destiny. It is there where I will reach the heights and surrender totally to the immensity of the universe and all there is. It is there where I will sway with the cadence of the wind in a dance that will bring me closer to life. It is there where I shall begin to live, be born again, hoping that the world will welcome me once more and yet again introduce me to the wonders of it all. It is in what is to come that the present finds meaning.

Bliss! for the world is full of happy accidents, pleasant surprises and unexpected turns. 

A New Horizon

January 2010

Addressee

Good day!

I tender my resignation at BPI Family Savings Bank effective today.

It is with great gratitude that I leave this institution. For the almost 5 years that I have been part of it, I have grown personally and professionally. I pride myself for having been a Unibanker. In my heart, I believe that BPI is the best bank in the country.

As I join the diplomatic corps of our Foreign Service, I am confident that what my years in BPI has taught will continue to guide me. The ideals of excellence, teamwork, innovation and exceptional service will be put in good use as I venture into government work and be of service to the Filipino people here and abroad.

Thank you BPI! Continue to take us farther!

Sincerely,

jkeb

Of Gates and Doors

2010! It's new year! Exactly a year ago, I started this blog with one thing in mind - to keep a journal of my life, my goals and my aspirations.

A sojourn to life - indeed, the past year has been a blessing and I am confident 2010 is full of blessings. There is always something in store for all of us if only we open our minds and hearts to the endless possibilities that life offers. As the Alchemist says, the universe conspires with us to find our Personal Legend. I know mine is a work in progress. As there are omens that guide and give certainty to a rather uncertain journey, there is certainty that our Personal Legends exist and happy is he who finds his Personal Legend...

Decisions open new gates and doors that would have never been possible before we make those decisions. As a new year ushers in, I look back in gratitude. I decided to finally lose weight. It was difficult at first, but that one decision made me a more confident and better person sans 75 pounds later. The universe indeed conspired with my desire to lose weight and continues to conspire as people, experiences and events flow into the tapestry being woven until now.  I now look at the mirror and feel happy about myself. I have a gained back the self-respect I lost for the longest time.

I decided to open myself to new doors in terms of my career. I agreed to handle a branch with much hesitation about my capability to do so. I had to muster all the confidence and courage I can to face a new challenge. It turned out to be a breeze. I was promoted to Manager four months into being branch head. I wished within myself and it happened. As this was happening, a new gate opened to me. I passed the DFA written and oral examinations and eventually the psychological examinations. I am one of the 19 examinees out of 899 who passed. I never expected this to happen. But a decision has been made. I will not let go of this opportunity. I am confident that by March 2010, I am with the DFA.

I look back in gratitude. Ondoy only made us stronger as individuals and as a family. Ondoy made us be more grateful of what we have and made us look at things differently. It cleansed our lenses to view the world beautifully. Life is beautiful, indeed it is!

My sister's not passing only strengthened our bond as a family. It made us realize that family is family. My sister is graduating this March and taking the Bar this September. She is already a lawyer by 2011.

Mama and Papa's relationship is going stronger. I'm happy Mama is enjoying her life after NFA. I'm happy Papa is exploring possibilities in life that boosts his confidence. I am happy that our relatives are addressing concerns and issues that need to be faced. In time, we will look back in gratitude and say that life is indeed beautiful.

Doors and gates open for us everyday. To enter or not is a decision we have to make. Either way, happiness depends on our finding what our Personal Legend truly is.

I pray and hope. I hope in gratitude knowing that whatever comes our way is necessary for us to find our Personal Legend.

Lord, thank you. Give us the peace of mind, serenity of heart and courage to accept your will. AMEN.