Patient Waiting

Waiting. Well, I think that has been the flow of my life these past few weeks, actually, it still is. And I believe everything is worth the wait. Patience is indeed a virtue and perfect timing never meant more than now.

I turned 25 last August 20. That makes a lot of difference. At 25, I am patiently waiting that I achieve my ideal weight of 170 lbs or slightly lower. I am patiently waiting for my official appointment to the DFA. I am patiently waiting for my project to win in the finals yet again. I am patiently waiting for my PLR increase. I am patiently waiting for that special someone. I am patiently waiting for my sister to graduate and pass the bar. I am patiently waiting for that time where I can treat my whole family to a grand vacation somewhere outside the Philippines. I am patiently waiting for the time that I am finally at peace with what I really desire in life.

So many things really and it just takes time before everything becomes clear. In the process of patiently waiting, I believe our desires and wants become more distinct and meaningful at one point. What will I do in the next 25 years? The first 25 years was not that difficult. I passed that stage where I was helpless as a child, until I entered school and made the best out of it. 20 years later, I found myself graduating from the best school in the country, with flying colors. And then I got a job, acquired a home, established myself quite prominently in my company. At 25, however, I want change in so many areas in my life.

Yes, at this point in time, I want change for the better. I want something different, something fulfilling, something meaningful. I am in a constant search, and a change of scenery helps, I believe. For more than once in my life, I have asked myself one question, am I happy? Happiness is a fleeting experience. One day you're happy, the other, you're not. Yet meaning is something that will stay for long. Meaning creates that happiness within. I think my happiness is in something where meaning resides. As long as I can still see the meaning, as long as it still lights the way as a beacon does to a weary traveler, then I am happy.

In time, happiness shall be forever.

Life's Surprises

Hi there! It's been weeks. Anyways, as promised, here's my Coron experience atbp.

June 12, 2009

It was raining real hard past 4 in the morning. It was not a good sign but I was hoping the weather will be better by 9 0'clock - our scheduled flight to Busuanga, Palawan via Cebu Pacific. 6 o'clock, it was just drizzling, a good sign. 14 of us checked-in at the NAIA Terminal 3 around 7 am, so we had two hours to wait for boarding time. Our airplane had an electric fan as propeller --- not a good sign. Take-off was a bit shaky, causing my heart to pound faster than normal. My sister, on the other hand, a first-timer, was enjoying the ride...and then we landed safely---whoof...

Our accomodation was not that great but it was fine enough. We were treated to a seafood lunch before we went boating to Kayangan Lake. After a hundred slippery steps or so because of the rain and a ton of sweat, we reached the lake- very impressive indeed. I was afraid to take a dip in the water but what the heck, I have to. So I did and after minutes of panic and heavy breathing, I was normalized --- whoof...

Back to our boat, we headed to Siete Pecados which, we later learned, is literally translated as Seven Sins. It was a snorkling site with seven islands. Again, the fishes were impressive. I saw a few, one yellow and one blue I think. To end the day, we went to Makinit Hot Spring. It was really lukewarm hot, it can cook an egg ;) I was glad it was our last stop for the day, a very refreshing and relaxing treat indeed.

July 13, 2009

We headed to another lake, the Twin Lagoon and took some dips and pictures, pictures, pictures! Then to Baraccuda Lake, which was just 20 steps to reach, according to our guide. Wheew, I was relieved I wouldn't have to repeat my ordeal yesterday...or so I thought! The steps to the lake were death-defying!!! OMG!!! If only I can turn back I would but there were 13 people behind me so I had to move on...I swear, I will never, ever, underestimate 20 steps again! B - - - - Beach was a relief for me...And at last for the first time, I feel white sand under my feet. Lunch was disappointing but what the heck, we had a hell of a good time the whole afternoon playing and goofing around under the rain in our very own "private beach." ;)

July 14, 2009

Our last day began with a 754-steps treck to Mt. Tapyas. Again, another adventure. And surprise of all suprises, we made it in an hour!!! Wheew! So there, after going back to Twing Lagoon, we packed our bags and headed to the airport. This was indeed a very enjoyable and memorable experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything --- just for the time with my sister, it was all well worth it.

Fast Forward to More Surprises

July 1, 2009

I took my psychological examinations for the DFA. I had a migraine after. Overall, the exam was fun. I liked the IQ part more than the personality-based questions. I'm hoping that I'll make it to the cadetship.

July 3, 2009

Finally, thank God, my promotion to Manager is official...

So there it is...the only plan we can make in life is to plan to be surprised...

Surprise!

A Box of Chocolates

Hey there! It's been more than a month since I last posted and a lot has happened already. First things first.

The FSO Oral exam was indeed nerve-wracking as most of the comments I've read. Since our group was big, 43 in all, we were divided into two groups. Our group took the panel interview in Day 1, group dynamics in Day 2 and formal dinner in Day 3. I was quite lucky I was scheduled in the morning, 9:20am to be exact, as the agony wouldn't be unnecessarily prolonged. The panel interview went well. There were 10 panelists in all, some were poker-faced, some were affirming, some were negative, I think you really cannot please everybody. Day 2 was not that good. We were given a topic five minutes before we discussed it under the noses of 4 panelists. Our topic was on how we assess the government's iniatives on returning OFWs who lost jobs abroad due to the world financial crisis. We were given 45 minutes to discuss, no more, no less, but the whole time, I was just praying that the 45 minutes will be over. Dude, it's quite hard to think straight. "I am really disappointed," these were the words of the first panelist who assessed our discussion. Our spirits were dampened. Day 3 was more nerve-wracking. After everyone donned their filipinianas and barongs, we brushed elbows with diplomats and ambassadors as we chit-chatted with a glass of wine on the side. During dinner, I was seated with no less than Undersecretary Ebdalin, the Chairman of the examinations, as well as Comm. Bautista of the Civil Service Commission. I was so conscious real big time the whole time. But what the heck, I just ate whatever the waiters served me, it's my first meal at the Intercontinental Manila, hope it wouldn't be my last. Then came the final torture, extemporaneous speech. At random order, each were called to pick a topic in a fishbowl a minute before the actual speech. Dude, a minute to prepare! Sigh. On the piece of paper, there is an event, a venue, and your role. Mine was on the MOA signing between the Philippines and South Korea on the Student-Exchange Program. I was the ambassador to South Korea. I can't remember what I blaberred in the three minutes I was on stage but I felt good. My co-examinees also complimented me. There was a broad range of topics, from the opening of Ploning in the Pusan Film Festival to the opening of a Senate Forum on the Baseline Law. I was quite lucky again, my topic was easier to wing. So there's the oral exam, and guess what, I passed!!!

June 19, 2009, while I was waiting my turn at the customer service counter in PLDT (all our office lines were down), my mobile rang, "Mr Bolante, this is from DFA, congratulations..." The news was hair-raising. I was so happy that I immediately called my parents (they just arrived from the province) and my sister recieved the call. She was exhilarated, shouting at the top of her voice to her excitement. After all the waiting, I just have to undergo one last exam on July 1, the psychological test. As I look back, it's really mind-boggling at how I came across the exam in the first place and how I moved from one stage to another. I'm happy just I winged it.

June 22, 2009, while dozing off in LRT after I claimed my letter from the DFA, my mobile rang once again, this time, it was my Area Business Director calling. I was on leave, obviously, so this must be urgent. "You got it....," Yippeeeee, I got it! My promotion is confirmed!!! At last!!! Again, a hair-raiser. No less than our President has signed my promotion papers. Thank God indeed!

I pray that all these blessings will be shared to my loved ones...that all of us may be blessed...

So, who wouldn't say that life is like a box of chocolates?

Before I forget, we went to Coron, Palawan last June 12-14, 2009. I'll post about it some other time.

XOXO

What The Heck

262 lbs, that's my weight as of today, May 23, 2009. It fell short of my 250 lbs goal but what the heck, I lost 34 lbs in 5 months...not a small feat :)

I really have a lot of catching up to do as I didn't have that much mood to write about my life for a while. It has been over two months since I posted something in this blog. But what the heck, it's better late than never :)

Three days to go and I'll be taking my oral exams in the DFA. I'm more excited than nervous, I am not really that prepared, in fact, I haven't prepared at all. But what the heck, if this is for me, so be it. If not, then, there are a lot more things to do in life. As of now, I am undecided. I am just excited of the idea that I am taking the final phase of the most dreaded government exam, and this is something I will always cherish for as long as I breathe. Life is too short to dwell on the what ifs. It's better to accept what is and move forward to what now.

As for my promotion to manager, I think I will have to be more patient about it. Our region head is in a one month vacation so I will have to wait until he comes back before my promotion will be endorsed to the Board Executive Committee. But what the heck, a few more weeks won't hurt. I'm happy with where I am now, I'm happy with the people I work with, I'm happy with my accomplishments for the past three months that I have been branch head, I'm happy that I am losing weight and finally accepting the real me. I am happy about life because there is much for all of us.

As for my love quest, again, I think I will have to be more patient about it. I know the right person will come. I have dreamed about V a few nights ago and the feelings were just so real. I'm missing V and if given the chance again to catch up with lost time, I won't hesitate to be vulnerable and experience to love and be loved freely without the insecurities and boundaries. V's my first love and I think it never dies. I still love V, only, I have not been ready to accept that until now. Love is indeed blind, but what the heck, if we are for each other, then no matter what has happened for the past 5 years that we haven't really been together, no matter how many people we've been with and no matter how many experiences we've failed to share, everything will come full circle as we again hold each other's hands and finally say the words we haven't said for so long a time, "I love you."

As for my family, Mama's last day in office was yesterday, officially ending her 27-year government service. I am happy for her that finally she is moving on to a new chapter in her life. I wish her all the best. I'm also happy that Papa is supporting Mama in this. I know Papa is also happy that Mama is finally leaving office and will be having more time for our family business as well as for each other. As I grow older, it makes more sense to me that I really love my parents. As I grow older, I see how human my parents are, and the more I see that, the more I understand them. Maybe I am already at that stage in life that I also begin to see how they see things, to view the world as they perceive it. Let's talk about perspective. My sister is also happy. I am at that point where I want to give her all the freedom she wants, as long as she remains responsible for herself. She just celebrated their 3rd year anniversary with her boyfriend who is in Maldives. I don't actually approve of her boyfriend but what the heck, she loves him and as long as they love each other, that's what really matters.

I am happy that I am finally wiritng again. I'm happy, I just am...

Thank you Lord...

I Made It!

I made it! I passed the Written Exam part of the Foreign Service Examinations. I also submitted my promotion requirements to manager. What's next? There are a lot of positive things happening in my life right now and I believe the universe is finally rearranging itself in my favor as well as the people around me. Success, when really deserved and hard-earned, is as sweet as the drop that quenches a thirsting traveler.

I am happy that these things are happening in moments that I needed them most. Mama is finally resigning from her post officially ending a 27-year government service. She is now into the academe as a dean for HRM in one of the colleges in our province. Will I be the one entering government service after her? Only time will tell. My sister is also filing for her candidacy for graduation this October, at long last. My father's health is so far so good.

I am happy and finally I am being recognized for all the things I've done for my company. It is but a sweet reward for more than three years of service in my company. I am owning my new position as manager by April. I am also owning my new weight of 260 pounds by April. I am optimistic of the road ahead and I am hopeful of the many possibilities that may still come my way in the next days to come.

My only prayer is that for me to be given the grace of humility in all these things.

I am happy and I am grateful. It is indeed a life worth living.

Awakening

It's been quite a while since I updated this blog. Not much time really, or maybe, just have too many distractions to get me out of focus. It's been more than a week since I transferred to my new place of assignment. At long last, I am now branch head and I'm still adjusting to the new routine and new challenges that come my way. It has been a breeze so far and I hope things will always be on the positive side no matter what happens.

I'm more positive about things than ever. Even if I stray from my goals once in a while, I still manage to get my feet where they should be. Sometimes, it's almost as if my feet have brains of their own! Whoaa! But anyway, I'm still cramming to finish three papers for my masteral studies. Dude, I'm really way past deadline and I'm hoping my late submission will still be considered based on its merits? Mhmmm....

Time and again, I'm finding myself searching for something that will complete me. Cheesy as it may seem, it now is truer than ever. There's something within me that's longing for something or maybe someone. Maybe it comes with age or with some awakening, but my, I'm turning 25 this year and I really need a special someone to hug me close, to whom I can lean my head and say sweet nothings. Sigh. I hope that special someone will come to my life at the most opportune time. I really hope that all shall be well in due time.

As for my weight loss program, I'm gearing up to achieve my goal of 260 pounds by April. As of last weigh in, I'm 276 pounds, my weight when I graduated from college. The figures are encouraging and I have to stay focused no matter what. Discipline is a must even for the occasional calls of the flesh.

A lot of things really. I'm glad things are going well with me and my family. There is much to hope for in this world. What we only need to do is to open ourselves to the myriad of possibilities the universe offers.

I'm missing Lloyd.

Funny Yet Amusing

Staying focused. This, I think, is an effort on my part. February has been a breeze. This love month has been extraordinarily fast-paced with a lot of things happening here and there. I had no date last Valentines but I gave my sister gifts and roses. She was very happy to have received flowers on Valentine's Day for the very first time in her life! Quite funny but amusing just the same.

I finally saw my 5 year-old cousin from the US. He's cute and smart. I think it runs in the blood. :) Since my mother is an only child, I only have two cousins from my father's side. Our family is not as big as most average families. A grand reunion for us would mean only thirteen (13) people, imagine that! I hope my aunt and cousin enjoyed their short stay here. It was actually extended to one day since they missed their 1230 am flight last Feb 17. Again, quite funny but amusing just the same.

Work is different. I only have two days left in my current assignment since I will be transferring to another assignment as OIC. I'm not really good at goodbyes, sigh. Anyway, the past two weeks were really full of drama as we were deciding on possible manpower movements in our area. Painful decisions had to be relayed and violent reactions are normally expected. But now at least, my people are safe from "harm." After all the drama and the crying and the unnecessary coincidences, foolish remarks and actions even, it's all passed. Again, quite funny but amusing just the same.

I am thinking that my weight loss program is working. I am at my one and a half month period already. I am positive of changing my life in more positive ways than one.

That's it for now. As for my lovelife, I guess, I would have to settle for none at the moment. By the way, we have scheduled a branch outing in Palawan this June. I'm bringing my sister with me and she's so excited.

Stay focused.

Ebb & Tide

I was at Botolan Beach Point, Zambales last weekend together with my officemates and their families. We were 19 in all, including the children. It was a fun moment, the peace and serenity of the place was refreshing and a welcome break from the hustle and bustle of the metropolis. Of course, the company of friends is something that should be cherished.

It's a four hour drive from Manila via SCTEX, the newest toll highway that was inaugurated just last year. It's also quite interesting that the resort where we stayed was the location of a movie by Piolo and Regine. I now forget the title. But the movie was good, with some funny antics of Eugene Domingo and her rather amusing welcome anthem for 'Heaven Resort.'

We had a bonfire in the evening. The heavens lit up with stars so beautiful. Looking at certain stars bring back memories of my youth. I have one particular formation that belongs to my first true love. But of course, love for me then was just an attraction. The feeling was great but I suppose it was never meant to be. That night was also a night of some revelations and realizations about how I feel towards a certain person. I may just be imagining or worse hallucinating but I'd like to think the feeling's mutual. Again, as I rationalize things as they are, it will never work out. Honestly, I'm open to the idea, but nothing serious really.

So, after quite a while life for me has been like the ebb and tide of the sea. There was a point I was in the verge of giving up but thanks to a friend, her advice game me hope yet again. She now has a boyfriend and I'm happy for her. I just hope the guy deserves her. Anyway, my boss is retiring in June as well as another officer from our area. Due to this, there will be manpower movements and at long last, I'll be transferred as OIC of another branch. I'm being positive about my promotion to manager before my 25th birthday. My fingers are crossed.

But really, there are a lot of things I have to thank God for despite the minor downsides in life. Sunsets and sunrises happen everyday. Sometimes, we even fail to notice the beauty of God's creation. Once in a while, it is good to sit back, relax and just savor the goodness of it all Life is beautiful. This is one thing I know for sure.

Keeping Up

It's working! I'm happy I'm losing weight and I have kept my cool these past few weeks. Being positive and thinking positive really attracts more positivity in life. Life is short, I guess, and no matter what we do, whether we like it or not, good things as well as bad happen in our lives. The more important thing however, is what we do on what happens to us.

Papa and Tita came over last weekend to visit us. Our new manang also came along with them (since manang is already leaving to take care of his sick father). Actually nana is more appropriate since she is already 63 years old. Their visit was short because they had to bring home three derby cocks for my uncle back in the province. However short, I'd like to think that we made the best out of it. We had some fun watching videos of our Christmas and New Year celebrations as well as sharing jokes. It's always fun to bring out the human side of our parents, really.

When I was a child, I thought my parents were superheroes, that they never commit mistakes, that they don't feel anguish, becuase if they do, then they were not worth looking up to. As I grew up however, I realized how human they are, as I am. The more I realized that, the more I loved them, amid our imperfections and shortcomings. Indeed, maturity gives way to wisdom as time passes by.

My sister is also quite busy right now since it's examinations week at law school. She will be graduating this October and taking the bar in 2010. I know she can make it. She has big dreams and I pray she will achieve them in due time. I think our relationship becomes better and stronger each day. Even if we don't talk that much, I mean we don't say to each other what we normally say to our friends, but little gestures speak a lot. I love my sister. I hope she gets what she desires.

Mama already received confirmation of their 'forced' early retirement. She has been with her agency for more that 27 years already. She is sad but she already accepts the fact that she must let go. I believe her retirement from her agency will open new doors never imagined before.

As for me, I wanted to prepare my resume since last week but it has been put off several times. I believe the right time, the right opportunity and the right salary (:) will come. I know, the time will come.

Home Sweet Home

My family isn't perfect but I would love to bask in its imperfection...

I was rummaging through old files of mine to look for the resume I prepared when I was just a fresh graduate. I came upon a folder, a treasure chest of some sort, where I placed all the good memories of college life -- from my graduation programme, my all expenses paid trip to Bali, to my awards and recognitions received, personal drawings, pictures and my 'dream list' composed of 20 wishes, big and small. All these make me smile.

Included in this folder is an envelope containing the letters written to me by mama and my sister and my tita. Of course, I had the urge to read them once more after a long time. Life has not been easy for us, for me. It was indeed a roller coaster ride from being shortchanged by no less my high school rector, to having an inferiority complex come college (since I came from the province) and lots lots of confusion regarding my identity and sexuality. It was also in college that my lola (mama's mother) died. But, as I look back, I am thankful those things happened for now I am a better, stronger person.

Reading through the letters once again makes me glassy-eyed. It brings back the memories but more importantly, it makes me realize how blessed and loved I am. I love my family, despite everything. I will do anything to give that love back.

I miss the letters we write to each other. We usually communicate thru phone now. I just think that letters have a lasting impact and something which can be treasured as long as we live.

Indeed, it is always nice to be home.

The Impossible is Nothing

The long wait is finally over. My three-year contract with my present company ended last January 18, 2009. This means to say that I am no longer obliged to pay a bond amounting to P 200,000.00 should I decide to resign. I am free. At least I can now breathe easier, knowing that I can grab whatever better opportunities that come my way.

It's funny how events come to high highs and low lows. Just today, I received a call from a client thanking me for the assistance I extended her. It reminds me of a story in the Gospel where Jesus healed lepers but only one returned to thank him. It's always very rewarding to hear a simple thank you from a client. Also today, I received a complaint from a very difficult client. Imagine asking us to type no less than her complaint letter against us! Whoaaa, it's something nobody in his right mind will do. But I am confident we will surpass yet another challenge.

I am thinking of preparing my resume for online uploading. Maybe, someone will be able to match me with the right job. I am now prepared to face the world. It is a decision I make. It is my responsibility for myself. The world is my stage. I believe that the time is near, as soon as I open myself to the limitless possibilities of my being, of who I am and who I hope to become, together with my dreams and the desires of my heart, I believe that I will find my place in the greater scheme of things.

I am now ready to love and be loved. I now accept who I really am.

Moving On

I attended our college community homecoming last night, hoping against hope that I can find closure to a long muted relationship. The community has grown, double our number when I was a graduating student. It is always nice to see people you have spent years of your life with again. It is also nice to meet new members of the community. Memories do come back in a rush and it feels good. For some, there is a lot of catching up to do.

But times do change. And people do change in time. We said our hi's and hello's, we embraced, we had cordial exchanges and I was hoping. The night wore on with nothing much unusual. Till we bade goodbye, till I learned something, till the silence that dropped dead...

I didn't know what to feel. I was in a state of wonder. I tried to reject what I was feeling but it was strong enough to pierce into my heart. I had to accept it. I am hurt. But for what? I don't have any reason to feel this way. It was just that the time is up and I need to wake up and move on...Yes, it will only get better...

I hope that we find the happiness we desire...

Roller Coaster

It's been a roller coaster ride these past few days, well, maybe roller coaster is an exaggeration. It's somewhere along that line anyway. I had my share of high moments as well as low ones. I got a grade of 100 or 1 in my most hated course in my masteral studies; I argued with the head of another unit in our office because of offending remarks regarding the way we do our operations; my business director talked to me regarding a possible transfer and promotion; I had to meet deadlines as school requirements piled up; manang wants to go home since her father is badly sick...

What to do but to let go and let be. Tomorrow will be Lolo's ninth death anniversary. He died when I was still in high school. It was a sad moment for us becuase I saw how sickness overcame his whole being. It was indeed a difficult moment especially for my mother, the unica hija...

Random thoughts really. I just wanted to share... I'm rather sleepy now after a long day of work and meetings...

"Separation seem final in the context of time but when time gives way to eternity-- all things will be revealed: that separation is merely temporary for those who possessed love."

(quoted from Dr. Morales, one of my university professors).

Being Thin & The Secret

I had a discussion with my parents (thru phone) early this morning about my weight. Frankly, I am almost 300 pounds or maybe even beyond that. The last time I checked on my weight was around third quarter of last year and I already weighed a whooping 290 pounds. Since then, I became bigger...

Wheeww, I really really need to lose weight and stay healthy. Our family medical history is not that encouraging. With relatives diagnosed with hypertension and diabetes, I may fall into the trap if I don't do anything. As of my last check-up, everything is still normal but the values are already verging to abnormal, huh?

Anyway, I promised myself to really stick to a weight loss plan and be firm with my resolve to be thin and live a healthy lifestyle. I have done it in the past (lost more than 20 pounds in three months) and I know I can do it again. Why did I fail given the encouraging results? Stress. I think I blame it all on stress and I won't commit the same mistake. Good thing I got a copy of "The Secret" last Christmas and it made me see things with new eyes once again.

Positive thoughts; thoughts become things; follow your bliss; the universe is a genie; the universe conspires to give you what you consciously or unconsciously desire...and a lot more. This is really a good watch and a good read (for book lovers).

Etcetera

I really had a challenging day today. I was hoping today will be a better day than yesterday. With almost 900 transactions and bulks of cash, we finished around 7:30 in the evening, two hours beyond our regular office hours. Today is no different. We almost reached the 800th mark with our transactions thanks to an early enrollment of a nearby school. To top it all, I was short of P 1,500.00 after I helped out ease the load from our tellers. Wheeww, there goes a week's food supply - down the drain. When it rains, it pours!

The 11-day holiday really got the nerves out of the banking public. Everybody is rushing to pay their bills, beating deadlines for their loan amortizations and funding check issuance. In days like this, you wish to have a relaxing massage to soothe all your joints and muscles which I didn't get anyway.

I am starting to think when will I ever get to change the course of my career, maybe something more creative and not as routine and mechanic as my current job. Frankly, I am stressed everyday but I always try to keep my cool, if I can. Anyway, my 3-year contract with my company ends on the 19th. I'll probably stay put for awhile until better opportunities come my way. I'm keeping my fingers crossed.



By the way, thanks to Thomas Edison for inventing the bulb...if not for him, the world will be totally dark.

Desired Things

Here is one of my favorite literary pieces. Desiderata is Latin for "Desired Things." Its authorship has been disputed for sometime until it was finally attributed to Max Ehrmann, a poet and lawyer from Indiana. Click on the image to view full text.

Finding Me by JaKe

I lay lifeless
in deep sadness
Where have I been?
Where shall I begin?

I gaze at the stars
looking for Mars
Or is it Venus I see
Beyond this desolate sea?

I stare at myself
Looking at me
Where have I been?
Where shall I begin?

I'm Going Home

I woke up early today...and immediately telephoned my mother to check if she's already home. Sigh. She came over for the holiday season. It has been a long time since we spent time together...I no longer go home to our province during the holidays due to work. I also hate lining up at the bus terminal. It's always jam-packed with people during peak season. But I do go home in the province at least once a year, usually during my mandatory leave.

I hate goodbyes. It is only now that I realize that. Mama had tears streaming in her eyes when we bade goodbye to each other. It will be long before we see each other again. Although we call each other (my sister lives with me, both my parents are in the province) at least twice a week, it's still different when they are physically present. Papa will also be coming over next month.

My sister and I are used to be separated from our parents since we were small. Every summer, we always visit our aunt here in Manila and stay with her for two months until classes begin. Since there were no cellphones yet, they used to call us every Wednesday thru long distance calls. We were always very excited of Wednesdays.

Come high school, I was totally separated from my parents and sister save for some vacations. Maybe due to practice, thanks for our yearly visits in Manila, I never felt homesick. Looking back, it was indeed difficult to be separated at a tender age of 12. I should have grown with my family beside me. Sometimes, I felt I didn't belong anymore; not that they didn't love me, they do, it's just that I no longer know their story, I was no longer part of their day-to-day living, I was a stranger in my own family. I no longer knew them, they no longer knew me. My family isn't perfect, but I would love to bask in its imperfection.

At 24, I have a lot of dreams for my family. I really have to make up for lost time. Life is short...

A Sojourn to Life

It's 12:00 AM on my clock, officially ending January 1, 2009. I am hopeful and expectant this new year, with lots of things that I would like to do and be. This is the beginning of my sojourn to life, as temporary as it is, life is still worth living...