Funny Yet Amusing

Staying focused. This, I think, is an effort on my part. February has been a breeze. This love month has been extraordinarily fast-paced with a lot of things happening here and there. I had no date last Valentines but I gave my sister gifts and roses. She was very happy to have received flowers on Valentine's Day for the very first time in her life! Quite funny but amusing just the same.

I finally saw my 5 year-old cousin from the US. He's cute and smart. I think it runs in the blood. :) Since my mother is an only child, I only have two cousins from my father's side. Our family is not as big as most average families. A grand reunion for us would mean only thirteen (13) people, imagine that! I hope my aunt and cousin enjoyed their short stay here. It was actually extended to one day since they missed their 1230 am flight last Feb 17. Again, quite funny but amusing just the same.

Work is different. I only have two days left in my current assignment since I will be transferring to another assignment as OIC. I'm not really good at goodbyes, sigh. Anyway, the past two weeks were really full of drama as we were deciding on possible manpower movements in our area. Painful decisions had to be relayed and violent reactions are normally expected. But now at least, my people are safe from "harm." After all the drama and the crying and the unnecessary coincidences, foolish remarks and actions even, it's all passed. Again, quite funny but amusing just the same.

I am thinking that my weight loss program is working. I am at my one and a half month period already. I am positive of changing my life in more positive ways than one.

That's it for now. As for my lovelife, I guess, I would have to settle for none at the moment. By the way, we have scheduled a branch outing in Palawan this June. I'm bringing my sister with me and she's so excited.

Stay focused.

Ebb & Tide

I was at Botolan Beach Point, Zambales last weekend together with my officemates and their families. We were 19 in all, including the children. It was a fun moment, the peace and serenity of the place was refreshing and a welcome break from the hustle and bustle of the metropolis. Of course, the company of friends is something that should be cherished.

It's a four hour drive from Manila via SCTEX, the newest toll highway that was inaugurated just last year. It's also quite interesting that the resort where we stayed was the location of a movie by Piolo and Regine. I now forget the title. But the movie was good, with some funny antics of Eugene Domingo and her rather amusing welcome anthem for 'Heaven Resort.'

We had a bonfire in the evening. The heavens lit up with stars so beautiful. Looking at certain stars bring back memories of my youth. I have one particular formation that belongs to my first true love. But of course, love for me then was just an attraction. The feeling was great but I suppose it was never meant to be. That night was also a night of some revelations and realizations about how I feel towards a certain person. I may just be imagining or worse hallucinating but I'd like to think the feeling's mutual. Again, as I rationalize things as they are, it will never work out. Honestly, I'm open to the idea, but nothing serious really.

So, after quite a while life for me has been like the ebb and tide of the sea. There was a point I was in the verge of giving up but thanks to a friend, her advice game me hope yet again. She now has a boyfriend and I'm happy for her. I just hope the guy deserves her. Anyway, my boss is retiring in June as well as another officer from our area. Due to this, there will be manpower movements and at long last, I'll be transferred as OIC of another branch. I'm being positive about my promotion to manager before my 25th birthday. My fingers are crossed.

But really, there are a lot of things I have to thank God for despite the minor downsides in life. Sunsets and sunrises happen everyday. Sometimes, we even fail to notice the beauty of God's creation. Once in a while, it is good to sit back, relax and just savor the goodness of it all Life is beautiful. This is one thing I know for sure.

Keeping Up

It's working! I'm happy I'm losing weight and I have kept my cool these past few weeks. Being positive and thinking positive really attracts more positivity in life. Life is short, I guess, and no matter what we do, whether we like it or not, good things as well as bad happen in our lives. The more important thing however, is what we do on what happens to us.

Papa and Tita came over last weekend to visit us. Our new manang also came along with them (since manang is already leaving to take care of his sick father). Actually nana is more appropriate since she is already 63 years old. Their visit was short because they had to bring home three derby cocks for my uncle back in the province. However short, I'd like to think that we made the best out of it. We had some fun watching videos of our Christmas and New Year celebrations as well as sharing jokes. It's always fun to bring out the human side of our parents, really.

When I was a child, I thought my parents were superheroes, that they never commit mistakes, that they don't feel anguish, becuase if they do, then they were not worth looking up to. As I grew up however, I realized how human they are, as I am. The more I realized that, the more I loved them, amid our imperfections and shortcomings. Indeed, maturity gives way to wisdom as time passes by.

My sister is also quite busy right now since it's examinations week at law school. She will be graduating this October and taking the bar in 2010. I know she can make it. She has big dreams and I pray she will achieve them in due time. I think our relationship becomes better and stronger each day. Even if we don't talk that much, I mean we don't say to each other what we normally say to our friends, but little gestures speak a lot. I love my sister. I hope she gets what she desires.

Mama already received confirmation of their 'forced' early retirement. She has been with her agency for more that 27 years already. She is sad but she already accepts the fact that she must let go. I believe her retirement from her agency will open new doors never imagined before.

As for me, I wanted to prepare my resume since last week but it has been put off several times. I believe the right time, the right opportunity and the right salary (:) will come. I know, the time will come.

Home Sweet Home

My family isn't perfect but I would love to bask in its imperfection...

I was rummaging through old files of mine to look for the resume I prepared when I was just a fresh graduate. I came upon a folder, a treasure chest of some sort, where I placed all the good memories of college life -- from my graduation programme, my all expenses paid trip to Bali, to my awards and recognitions received, personal drawings, pictures and my 'dream list' composed of 20 wishes, big and small. All these make me smile.

Included in this folder is an envelope containing the letters written to me by mama and my sister and my tita. Of course, I had the urge to read them once more after a long time. Life has not been easy for us, for me. It was indeed a roller coaster ride from being shortchanged by no less my high school rector, to having an inferiority complex come college (since I came from the province) and lots lots of confusion regarding my identity and sexuality. It was also in college that my lola (mama's mother) died. But, as I look back, I am thankful those things happened for now I am a better, stronger person.

Reading through the letters once again makes me glassy-eyed. It brings back the memories but more importantly, it makes me realize how blessed and loved I am. I love my family, despite everything. I will do anything to give that love back.

I miss the letters we write to each other. We usually communicate thru phone now. I just think that letters have a lasting impact and something which can be treasured as long as we live.

Indeed, it is always nice to be home.

The Impossible is Nothing

The long wait is finally over. My three-year contract with my present company ended last January 18, 2009. This means to say that I am no longer obliged to pay a bond amounting to P 200,000.00 should I decide to resign. I am free. At least I can now breathe easier, knowing that I can grab whatever better opportunities that come my way.

It's funny how events come to high highs and low lows. Just today, I received a call from a client thanking me for the assistance I extended her. It reminds me of a story in the Gospel where Jesus healed lepers but only one returned to thank him. It's always very rewarding to hear a simple thank you from a client. Also today, I received a complaint from a very difficult client. Imagine asking us to type no less than her complaint letter against us! Whoaaa, it's something nobody in his right mind will do. But I am confident we will surpass yet another challenge.

I am thinking of preparing my resume for online uploading. Maybe, someone will be able to match me with the right job. I am now prepared to face the world. It is a decision I make. It is my responsibility for myself. The world is my stage. I believe that the time is near, as soon as I open myself to the limitless possibilities of my being, of who I am and who I hope to become, together with my dreams and the desires of my heart, I believe that I will find my place in the greater scheme of things.

I am now ready to love and be loved. I now accept who I really am.

Moving On

I attended our college community homecoming last night, hoping against hope that I can find closure to a long muted relationship. The community has grown, double our number when I was a graduating student. It is always nice to see people you have spent years of your life with again. It is also nice to meet new members of the community. Memories do come back in a rush and it feels good. For some, there is a lot of catching up to do.

But times do change. And people do change in time. We said our hi's and hello's, we embraced, we had cordial exchanges and I was hoping. The night wore on with nothing much unusual. Till we bade goodbye, till I learned something, till the silence that dropped dead...

I didn't know what to feel. I was in a state of wonder. I tried to reject what I was feeling but it was strong enough to pierce into my heart. I had to accept it. I am hurt. But for what? I don't have any reason to feel this way. It was just that the time is up and I need to wake up and move on...Yes, it will only get better...

I hope that we find the happiness we desire...

Roller Coaster

It's been a roller coaster ride these past few days, well, maybe roller coaster is an exaggeration. It's somewhere along that line anyway. I had my share of high moments as well as low ones. I got a grade of 100 or 1 in my most hated course in my masteral studies; I argued with the head of another unit in our office because of offending remarks regarding the way we do our operations; my business director talked to me regarding a possible transfer and promotion; I had to meet deadlines as school requirements piled up; manang wants to go home since her father is badly sick...

What to do but to let go and let be. Tomorrow will be Lolo's ninth death anniversary. He died when I was still in high school. It was a sad moment for us becuase I saw how sickness overcame his whole being. It was indeed a difficult moment especially for my mother, the unica hija...

Random thoughts really. I just wanted to share... I'm rather sleepy now after a long day of work and meetings...

"Separation seem final in the context of time but when time gives way to eternity-- all things will be revealed: that separation is merely temporary for those who possessed love."

(quoted from Dr. Morales, one of my university professors).