What The Heck

262 lbs, that's my weight as of today, May 23, 2009. It fell short of my 250 lbs goal but what the heck, I lost 34 lbs in 5 months...not a small feat :)

I really have a lot of catching up to do as I didn't have that much mood to write about my life for a while. It has been over two months since I posted something in this blog. But what the heck, it's better late than never :)

Three days to go and I'll be taking my oral exams in the DFA. I'm more excited than nervous, I am not really that prepared, in fact, I haven't prepared at all. But what the heck, if this is for me, so be it. If not, then, there are a lot more things to do in life. As of now, I am undecided. I am just excited of the idea that I am taking the final phase of the most dreaded government exam, and this is something I will always cherish for as long as I breathe. Life is too short to dwell on the what ifs. It's better to accept what is and move forward to what now.

As for my promotion to manager, I think I will have to be more patient about it. Our region head is in a one month vacation so I will have to wait until he comes back before my promotion will be endorsed to the Board Executive Committee. But what the heck, a few more weeks won't hurt. I'm happy with where I am now, I'm happy with the people I work with, I'm happy with my accomplishments for the past three months that I have been branch head, I'm happy that I am losing weight and finally accepting the real me. I am happy about life because there is much for all of us.

As for my love quest, again, I think I will have to be more patient about it. I know the right person will come. I have dreamed about V a few nights ago and the feelings were just so real. I'm missing V and if given the chance again to catch up with lost time, I won't hesitate to be vulnerable and experience to love and be loved freely without the insecurities and boundaries. V's my first love and I think it never dies. I still love V, only, I have not been ready to accept that until now. Love is indeed blind, but what the heck, if we are for each other, then no matter what has happened for the past 5 years that we haven't really been together, no matter how many people we've been with and no matter how many experiences we've failed to share, everything will come full circle as we again hold each other's hands and finally say the words we haven't said for so long a time, "I love you."

As for my family, Mama's last day in office was yesterday, officially ending her 27-year government service. I am happy for her that finally she is moving on to a new chapter in her life. I wish her all the best. I'm also happy that Papa is supporting Mama in this. I know Papa is also happy that Mama is finally leaving office and will be having more time for our family business as well as for each other. As I grow older, it makes more sense to me that I really love my parents. As I grow older, I see how human my parents are, and the more I see that, the more I understand them. Maybe I am already at that stage in life that I also begin to see how they see things, to view the world as they perceive it. Let's talk about perspective. My sister is also happy. I am at that point where I want to give her all the freedom she wants, as long as she remains responsible for herself. She just celebrated their 3rd year anniversary with her boyfriend who is in Maldives. I don't actually approve of her boyfriend but what the heck, she loves him and as long as they love each other, that's what really matters.

I am happy that I am finally wiritng again. I'm happy, I just am...

Thank you Lord...

I Made It!

I made it! I passed the Written Exam part of the Foreign Service Examinations. I also submitted my promotion requirements to manager. What's next? There are a lot of positive things happening in my life right now and I believe the universe is finally rearranging itself in my favor as well as the people around me. Success, when really deserved and hard-earned, is as sweet as the drop that quenches a thirsting traveler.

I am happy that these things are happening in moments that I needed them most. Mama is finally resigning from her post officially ending a 27-year government service. She is now into the academe as a dean for HRM in one of the colleges in our province. Will I be the one entering government service after her? Only time will tell. My sister is also filing for her candidacy for graduation this October, at long last. My father's health is so far so good.

I am happy and finally I am being recognized for all the things I've done for my company. It is but a sweet reward for more than three years of service in my company. I am owning my new position as manager by April. I am also owning my new weight of 260 pounds by April. I am optimistic of the road ahead and I am hopeful of the many possibilities that may still come my way in the next days to come.

My only prayer is that for me to be given the grace of humility in all these things.

I am happy and I am grateful. It is indeed a life worth living.

Funny Yet Amusing

Staying focused. This, I think, is an effort on my part. February has been a breeze. This love month has been extraordinarily fast-paced with a lot of things happening here and there. I had no date last Valentines but I gave my sister gifts and roses. She was very happy to have received flowers on Valentine's Day for the very first time in her life! Quite funny but amusing just the same.

I finally saw my 5 year-old cousin from the US. He's cute and smart. I think it runs in the blood. :) Since my mother is an only child, I only have two cousins from my father's side. Our family is not as big as most average families. A grand reunion for us would mean only thirteen (13) people, imagine that! I hope my aunt and cousin enjoyed their short stay here. It was actually extended to one day since they missed their 1230 am flight last Feb 17. Again, quite funny but amusing just the same.

Work is different. I only have two days left in my current assignment since I will be transferring to another assignment as OIC. I'm not really good at goodbyes, sigh. Anyway, the past two weeks were really full of drama as we were deciding on possible manpower movements in our area. Painful decisions had to be relayed and violent reactions are normally expected. But now at least, my people are safe from "harm." After all the drama and the crying and the unnecessary coincidences, foolish remarks and actions even, it's all passed. Again, quite funny but amusing just the same.

I am thinking that my weight loss program is working. I am at my one and a half month period already. I am positive of changing my life in more positive ways than one.

That's it for now. As for my lovelife, I guess, I would have to settle for none at the moment. By the way, we have scheduled a branch outing in Palawan this June. I'm bringing my sister with me and she's so excited.

Stay focused.

Keeping Up

It's working! I'm happy I'm losing weight and I have kept my cool these past few weeks. Being positive and thinking positive really attracts more positivity in life. Life is short, I guess, and no matter what we do, whether we like it or not, good things as well as bad happen in our lives. The more important thing however, is what we do on what happens to us.

Papa and Tita came over last weekend to visit us. Our new manang also came along with them (since manang is already leaving to take care of his sick father). Actually nana is more appropriate since she is already 63 years old. Their visit was short because they had to bring home three derby cocks for my uncle back in the province. However short, I'd like to think that we made the best out of it. We had some fun watching videos of our Christmas and New Year celebrations as well as sharing jokes. It's always fun to bring out the human side of our parents, really.

When I was a child, I thought my parents were superheroes, that they never commit mistakes, that they don't feel anguish, becuase if they do, then they were not worth looking up to. As I grew up however, I realized how human they are, as I am. The more I realized that, the more I loved them, amid our imperfections and shortcomings. Indeed, maturity gives way to wisdom as time passes by.

My sister is also quite busy right now since it's examinations week at law school. She will be graduating this October and taking the bar in 2010. I know she can make it. She has big dreams and I pray she will achieve them in due time. I think our relationship becomes better and stronger each day. Even if we don't talk that much, I mean we don't say to each other what we normally say to our friends, but little gestures speak a lot. I love my sister. I hope she gets what she desires.

Mama already received confirmation of their 'forced' early retirement. She has been with her agency for more that 27 years already. She is sad but she already accepts the fact that she must let go. I believe her retirement from her agency will open new doors never imagined before.

As for me, I wanted to prepare my resume since last week but it has been put off several times. I believe the right time, the right opportunity and the right salary (:) will come. I know, the time will come.

I'm Going Home

I woke up early today...and immediately telephoned my mother to check if she's already home. Sigh. She came over for the holiday season. It has been a long time since we spent time together...I no longer go home to our province during the holidays due to work. I also hate lining up at the bus terminal. It's always jam-packed with people during peak season. But I do go home in the province at least once a year, usually during my mandatory leave.

I hate goodbyes. It is only now that I realize that. Mama had tears streaming in her eyes when we bade goodbye to each other. It will be long before we see each other again. Although we call each other (my sister lives with me, both my parents are in the province) at least twice a week, it's still different when they are physically present. Papa will also be coming over next month.

My sister and I are used to be separated from our parents since we were small. Every summer, we always visit our aunt here in Manila and stay with her for two months until classes begin. Since there were no cellphones yet, they used to call us every Wednesday thru long distance calls. We were always very excited of Wednesdays.

Come high school, I was totally separated from my parents and sister save for some vacations. Maybe due to practice, thanks for our yearly visits in Manila, I never felt homesick. Looking back, it was indeed difficult to be separated at a tender age of 12. I should have grown with my family beside me. Sometimes, I felt I didn't belong anymore; not that they didn't love me, they do, it's just that I no longer know their story, I was no longer part of their day-to-day living, I was a stranger in my own family. I no longer knew them, they no longer knew me. My family isn't perfect, but I would love to bask in its imperfection.

At 24, I have a lot of dreams for my family. I really have to make up for lost time. Life is short...