The Power Within

What of the power within, what of the hero inside, what of the divine in thyself. 

It is a liberating thought; a freeing idea, a breath of fresh air after a period of dreary melancholy. What of the power within, does give life to a death of existence, lived each day only to survive. Each day is a creation, of thought, of actions, of life. Each day finds meaning only because I have chosen to find meaning. Life is a choice, my everyday existence is a choice to live.

It is a choice to be happy. I am happy beyond measure for I choose to be happy. In everything, there is happiness, even in the most uncertain and unexpected of situations. Happiness begins within, from a self-fulfillment only you and I understand. The walls that were built by centuries of beliefs and traditions are walls penetrable not by resistance but by sheer understanding of the power within. The walls that divide between you and your happiness, between you and yourself, between you and your destiny, are walls readily  fallen by the might of your choice - to be happy, to be yourself, to fulfill your destiny. No one else can give you and I the happiness we desire. It is you. It is I. 

I shout it to the universe, I declare it to realms unknown, I surrender. I surrender to to the infinite possibilities of life. I surrender to the magnificence of it all, to the beauty of life still unbeknownst to men. I surrender to the magnanimity of the powers within and without, to the living vibrance and essence that makes grass grow, that caresses the blossoming flower as dew drops trickle to the heart of its beauty. There is something, someone greater than ourselves. I surrender. 

What of the hero inside, does brave the battles as opportunities to grow. I look for strength, but only within does true courage reside. The courage to rise above the din of the crowd, a crowd created by a multitude, a multiplicity of uncertainties and anxieties, a multiplicity of worries and denials. I rise above it all. 

I emerge victorious, broken yet whole, broken only to be re-born, only to find the self that has always been. I emerge free, flowing as the river flows into the ocean of my destiny.  I emerge free, blowing as the wind blows, around and to the nether lands.I emerge free, dancing to the music of my heart, to the tune of my destiny. I am free. 

I look at the sky above, in a moonless starry night. My heart leaps with joy, as I feel myself part of a universe, created to provide me everything I need and I ever want. As I look beyond the horizon, beyond that stars that twinkle in their solitary place, I find myself - among the stars, among the promise of hope and of life. As I sing my song, the tunes of the universe sing along. 

What of the divine! 

Of Gates and Doors

2010! It's new year! Exactly a year ago, I started this blog with one thing in mind - to keep a journal of my life, my goals and my aspirations.

A sojourn to life - indeed, the past year has been a blessing and I am confident 2010 is full of blessings. There is always something in store for all of us if only we open our minds and hearts to the endless possibilities that life offers. As the Alchemist says, the universe conspires with us to find our Personal Legend. I know mine is a work in progress. As there are omens that guide and give certainty to a rather uncertain journey, there is certainty that our Personal Legends exist and happy is he who finds his Personal Legend...

Decisions open new gates and doors that would have never been possible before we make those decisions. As a new year ushers in, I look back in gratitude. I decided to finally lose weight. It was difficult at first, but that one decision made me a more confident and better person sans 75 pounds later. The universe indeed conspired with my desire to lose weight and continues to conspire as people, experiences and events flow into the tapestry being woven until now.  I now look at the mirror and feel happy about myself. I have a gained back the self-respect I lost for the longest time.

I decided to open myself to new doors in terms of my career. I agreed to handle a branch with much hesitation about my capability to do so. I had to muster all the confidence and courage I can to face a new challenge. It turned out to be a breeze. I was promoted to Manager four months into being branch head. I wished within myself and it happened. As this was happening, a new gate opened to me. I passed the DFA written and oral examinations and eventually the psychological examinations. I am one of the 19 examinees out of 899 who passed. I never expected this to happen. But a decision has been made. I will not let go of this opportunity. I am confident that by March 2010, I am with the DFA.

I look back in gratitude. Ondoy only made us stronger as individuals and as a family. Ondoy made us be more grateful of what we have and made us look at things differently. It cleansed our lenses to view the world beautifully. Life is beautiful, indeed it is!

My sister's not passing only strengthened our bond as a family. It made us realize that family is family. My sister is graduating this March and taking the Bar this September. She is already a lawyer by 2011.

Mama and Papa's relationship is going stronger. I'm happy Mama is enjoying her life after NFA. I'm happy Papa is exploring possibilities in life that boosts his confidence. I am happy that our relatives are addressing concerns and issues that need to be faced. In time, we will look back in gratitude and say that life is indeed beautiful.

Doors and gates open for us everyday. To enter or not is a decision we have to make. Either way, happiness depends on our finding what our Personal Legend truly is.

I pray and hope. I hope in gratitude knowing that whatever comes our way is necessary for us to find our Personal Legend.

Lord, thank you. Give us the peace of mind, serenity of heart and courage to accept your will. AMEN.

Home Sweet Home

My family isn't perfect but I would love to bask in its imperfection...

I was rummaging through old files of mine to look for the resume I prepared when I was just a fresh graduate. I came upon a folder, a treasure chest of some sort, where I placed all the good memories of college life -- from my graduation programme, my all expenses paid trip to Bali, to my awards and recognitions received, personal drawings, pictures and my 'dream list' composed of 20 wishes, big and small. All these make me smile.

Included in this folder is an envelope containing the letters written to me by mama and my sister and my tita. Of course, I had the urge to read them once more after a long time. Life has not been easy for us, for me. It was indeed a roller coaster ride from being shortchanged by no less my high school rector, to having an inferiority complex come college (since I came from the province) and lots lots of confusion regarding my identity and sexuality. It was also in college that my lola (mama's mother) died. But, as I look back, I am thankful those things happened for now I am a better, stronger person.

Reading through the letters once again makes me glassy-eyed. It brings back the memories but more importantly, it makes me realize how blessed and loved I am. I love my family, despite everything. I will do anything to give that love back.

I miss the letters we write to each other. We usually communicate thru phone now. I just think that letters have a lasting impact and something which can be treasured as long as we live.

Indeed, it is always nice to be home.