Sozein ta phainomena

More than ever, I am re-thinking my life and the way it should be. I am starting all over again, finding my way and my place in the greater scheme of things. I look at myself and I see somebody who is not yet confident, not quite ready to take on the challenge yet there present at every situation, at every moment, that would compromise his confidence even more. In spite of it all, I see somebody getting stronger, growing more mature and wise each passing day. 

The world is indeed full of people, diverse as the sands in the shore. Shifting through the diversity takes a while. Somehow, we find our place in this diversity, our niche, the place where we can best survive, the place where we can call home. In the truest sense of the word, home becomes more apparent, readily and convincingly, in the inner recesses of one's being, where the world stops to its core, relying solely on the beating of one's heart, and there, a whisper of hope, of passion and of love arises. 

Truly, there is a place for all of us. A sense of purpose drives most of us, even blindly at first, to just take the plunge and trust that there must be more than what is seen, sozein ta phainomena. There is more to the track left in the woodlands. There is more to the footprint as the ebb and flow of tide comes to shore. There is more to the shadow cast in the presence of light. There is more than what meets the eye.

A Happy Accident

I write yet again after a long period of slumber. I missed doing this. I hope I will be able to update this blog more often from now on...

Bliss! I am not sure what emotional state I am in at the moment, it seems everything is mixed up for now. A lot has indeed happened and I can't seem to process these yet...I am at a crossroads, of uncertainty and certainty; of fear and hope; of highs and lows...Yet, I am excited of what is to come, for me, for us, for the vast network of interconnectedness where I belong. I long for change and change is to come. 

The long wait is finally over. Our appointment signed by the President was finally released. Clouds of doubt and uncertainty have finally settled to their resting place. I finally tendered resignation. I finally am resolved to take this step further; take a risk further; push myself further. I am hopeful. I am excited. 

As these all are happening, something within me remains restless, restless as a child wanting comfort from the bosom of his mother; restless as a cub waiting for the warmth of love; restless as a river flowing silently into the sea. Oh, the tempest of it all! Something within me is longing for something else; something more than honor or praise, appreciation and recognition; something more than the soothing caresses of the wind in the midnight run or the soft embrace of the night as it beckons me to sleep. Something within me just can't settle for anything less anymore. 

I am in search for more than what is now. What is seems linear at this point; that the curves and blinds of the road become exciting, mysterious as they may seem, yet they give the influx of energy to the weary traveler. I am in search for something more than the water that quenches my thirst in this dry and arid land. An oasis is in sight yet the mirage seems to be more appealing that the oasis itself. For when in the oasis, the beauty of it all, surreal as it may seem, will soon fade and give way to the ordinary. Soon, the excitement will fade along. 

Yet I am hopeful for what is to come. It is there where I shall continue to live my life and paint the picture of my destiny. It is there where I will reach the heights and surrender totally to the immensity of the universe and all there is. It is there where I will sway with the cadence of the wind in a dance that will bring me closer to life. It is there where I shall begin to live, be born again, hoping that the world will welcome me once more and yet again introduce me to the wonders of it all. It is in what is to come that the present finds meaning.

Bliss! for the world is full of happy accidents, pleasant surprises and unexpected turns. 

A New Horizon

January 2010

Addressee

Good day!

I tender my resignation at BPI Family Savings Bank effective today.

It is with great gratitude that I leave this institution. For the almost 5 years that I have been part of it, I have grown personally and professionally. I pride myself for having been a Unibanker. In my heart, I believe that BPI is the best bank in the country.

As I join the diplomatic corps of our Foreign Service, I am confident that what my years in BPI has taught will continue to guide me. The ideals of excellence, teamwork, innovation and exceptional service will be put in good use as I venture into government work and be of service to the Filipino people here and abroad.

Thank you BPI! Continue to take us farther!

Sincerely,

jkeb

Of Gates and Doors

2010! It's new year! Exactly a year ago, I started this blog with one thing in mind - to keep a journal of my life, my goals and my aspirations.

A sojourn to life - indeed, the past year has been a blessing and I am confident 2010 is full of blessings. There is always something in store for all of us if only we open our minds and hearts to the endless possibilities that life offers. As the Alchemist says, the universe conspires with us to find our Personal Legend. I know mine is a work in progress. As there are omens that guide and give certainty to a rather uncertain journey, there is certainty that our Personal Legends exist and happy is he who finds his Personal Legend...

Decisions open new gates and doors that would have never been possible before we make those decisions. As a new year ushers in, I look back in gratitude. I decided to finally lose weight. It was difficult at first, but that one decision made me a more confident and better person sans 75 pounds later. The universe indeed conspired with my desire to lose weight and continues to conspire as people, experiences and events flow into the tapestry being woven until now.  I now look at the mirror and feel happy about myself. I have a gained back the self-respect I lost for the longest time.

I decided to open myself to new doors in terms of my career. I agreed to handle a branch with much hesitation about my capability to do so. I had to muster all the confidence and courage I can to face a new challenge. It turned out to be a breeze. I was promoted to Manager four months into being branch head. I wished within myself and it happened. As this was happening, a new gate opened to me. I passed the DFA written and oral examinations and eventually the psychological examinations. I am one of the 19 examinees out of 899 who passed. I never expected this to happen. But a decision has been made. I will not let go of this opportunity. I am confident that by March 2010, I am with the DFA.

I look back in gratitude. Ondoy only made us stronger as individuals and as a family. Ondoy made us be more grateful of what we have and made us look at things differently. It cleansed our lenses to view the world beautifully. Life is beautiful, indeed it is!

My sister's not passing only strengthened our bond as a family. It made us realize that family is family. My sister is graduating this March and taking the Bar this September. She is already a lawyer by 2011.

Mama and Papa's relationship is going stronger. I'm happy Mama is enjoying her life after NFA. I'm happy Papa is exploring possibilities in life that boosts his confidence. I am happy that our relatives are addressing concerns and issues that need to be faced. In time, we will look back in gratitude and say that life is indeed beautiful.

Doors and gates open for us everyday. To enter or not is a decision we have to make. Either way, happiness depends on our finding what our Personal Legend truly is.

I pray and hope. I hope in gratitude knowing that whatever comes our way is necessary for us to find our Personal Legend.

Lord, thank you. Give us the peace of mind, serenity of heart and courage to accept your will. AMEN.

Patient Waiting

Waiting. Well, I think that has been the flow of my life these past few weeks, actually, it still is. And I believe everything is worth the wait. Patience is indeed a virtue and perfect timing never meant more than now.

I turned 25 last August 20. That makes a lot of difference. At 25, I am patiently waiting that I achieve my ideal weight of 170 lbs or slightly lower. I am patiently waiting for my official appointment to the DFA. I am patiently waiting for my project to win in the finals yet again. I am patiently waiting for my PLR increase. I am patiently waiting for that special someone. I am patiently waiting for my sister to graduate and pass the bar. I am patiently waiting for that time where I can treat my whole family to a grand vacation somewhere outside the Philippines. I am patiently waiting for the time that I am finally at peace with what I really desire in life.

So many things really and it just takes time before everything becomes clear. In the process of patiently waiting, I believe our desires and wants become more distinct and meaningful at one point. What will I do in the next 25 years? The first 25 years was not that difficult. I passed that stage where I was helpless as a child, until I entered school and made the best out of it. 20 years later, I found myself graduating from the best school in the country, with flying colors. And then I got a job, acquired a home, established myself quite prominently in my company. At 25, however, I want change in so many areas in my life.

Yes, at this point in time, I want change for the better. I want something different, something fulfilling, something meaningful. I am in a constant search, and a change of scenery helps, I believe. For more than once in my life, I have asked myself one question, am I happy? Happiness is a fleeting experience. One day you're happy, the other, you're not. Yet meaning is something that will stay for long. Meaning creates that happiness within. I think my happiness is in something where meaning resides. As long as I can still see the meaning, as long as it still lights the way as a beacon does to a weary traveler, then I am happy.

In time, happiness shall be forever.

Life's Surprises

Hi there! It's been weeks. Anyways, as promised, here's my Coron experience atbp.

June 12, 2009

It was raining real hard past 4 in the morning. It was not a good sign but I was hoping the weather will be better by 9 0'clock - our scheduled flight to Busuanga, Palawan via Cebu Pacific. 6 o'clock, it was just drizzling, a good sign. 14 of us checked-in at the NAIA Terminal 3 around 7 am, so we had two hours to wait for boarding time. Our airplane had an electric fan as propeller --- not a good sign. Take-off was a bit shaky, causing my heart to pound faster than normal. My sister, on the other hand, a first-timer, was enjoying the ride...and then we landed safely---whoof...

Our accomodation was not that great but it was fine enough. We were treated to a seafood lunch before we went boating to Kayangan Lake. After a hundred slippery steps or so because of the rain and a ton of sweat, we reached the lake- very impressive indeed. I was afraid to take a dip in the water but what the heck, I have to. So I did and after minutes of panic and heavy breathing, I was normalized --- whoof...

Back to our boat, we headed to Siete Pecados which, we later learned, is literally translated as Seven Sins. It was a snorkling site with seven islands. Again, the fishes were impressive. I saw a few, one yellow and one blue I think. To end the day, we went to Makinit Hot Spring. It was really lukewarm hot, it can cook an egg ;) I was glad it was our last stop for the day, a very refreshing and relaxing treat indeed.

July 13, 2009

We headed to another lake, the Twin Lagoon and took some dips and pictures, pictures, pictures! Then to Baraccuda Lake, which was just 20 steps to reach, according to our guide. Wheew, I was relieved I wouldn't have to repeat my ordeal yesterday...or so I thought! The steps to the lake were death-defying!!! OMG!!! If only I can turn back I would but there were 13 people behind me so I had to move on...I swear, I will never, ever, underestimate 20 steps again! B - - - - Beach was a relief for me...And at last for the first time, I feel white sand under my feet. Lunch was disappointing but what the heck, we had a hell of a good time the whole afternoon playing and goofing around under the rain in our very own "private beach." ;)

July 14, 2009

Our last day began with a 754-steps treck to Mt. Tapyas. Again, another adventure. And surprise of all suprises, we made it in an hour!!! Wheew! So there, after going back to Twing Lagoon, we packed our bags and headed to the airport. This was indeed a very enjoyable and memorable experience. I wouldn't trade it for anything --- just for the time with my sister, it was all well worth it.

Fast Forward to More Surprises

July 1, 2009

I took my psychological examinations for the DFA. I had a migraine after. Overall, the exam was fun. I liked the IQ part more than the personality-based questions. I'm hoping that I'll make it to the cadetship.

July 3, 2009

Finally, thank God, my promotion to Manager is official...

So there it is...the only plan we can make in life is to plan to be surprised...

Surprise!

A Box of Chocolates

Hey there! It's been more than a month since I last posted and a lot has happened already. First things first.

The FSO Oral exam was indeed nerve-wracking as most of the comments I've read. Since our group was big, 43 in all, we were divided into two groups. Our group took the panel interview in Day 1, group dynamics in Day 2 and formal dinner in Day 3. I was quite lucky I was scheduled in the morning, 9:20am to be exact, as the agony wouldn't be unnecessarily prolonged. The panel interview went well. There were 10 panelists in all, some were poker-faced, some were affirming, some were negative, I think you really cannot please everybody. Day 2 was not that good. We were given a topic five minutes before we discussed it under the noses of 4 panelists. Our topic was on how we assess the government's iniatives on returning OFWs who lost jobs abroad due to the world financial crisis. We were given 45 minutes to discuss, no more, no less, but the whole time, I was just praying that the 45 minutes will be over. Dude, it's quite hard to think straight. "I am really disappointed," these were the words of the first panelist who assessed our discussion. Our spirits were dampened. Day 3 was more nerve-wracking. After everyone donned their filipinianas and barongs, we brushed elbows with diplomats and ambassadors as we chit-chatted with a glass of wine on the side. During dinner, I was seated with no less than Undersecretary Ebdalin, the Chairman of the examinations, as well as Comm. Bautista of the Civil Service Commission. I was so conscious real big time the whole time. But what the heck, I just ate whatever the waiters served me, it's my first meal at the Intercontinental Manila, hope it wouldn't be my last. Then came the final torture, extemporaneous speech. At random order, each were called to pick a topic in a fishbowl a minute before the actual speech. Dude, a minute to prepare! Sigh. On the piece of paper, there is an event, a venue, and your role. Mine was on the MOA signing between the Philippines and South Korea on the Student-Exchange Program. I was the ambassador to South Korea. I can't remember what I blaberred in the three minutes I was on stage but I felt good. My co-examinees also complimented me. There was a broad range of topics, from the opening of Ploning in the Pusan Film Festival to the opening of a Senate Forum on the Baseline Law. I was quite lucky again, my topic was easier to wing. So there's the oral exam, and guess what, I passed!!!

June 19, 2009, while I was waiting my turn at the customer service counter in PLDT (all our office lines were down), my mobile rang, "Mr Bolante, this is from DFA, congratulations..." The news was hair-raising. I was so happy that I immediately called my parents (they just arrived from the province) and my sister recieved the call. She was exhilarated, shouting at the top of her voice to her excitement. After all the waiting, I just have to undergo one last exam on July 1, the psychological test. As I look back, it's really mind-boggling at how I came across the exam in the first place and how I moved from one stage to another. I'm happy just I winged it.

June 22, 2009, while dozing off in LRT after I claimed my letter from the DFA, my mobile rang once again, this time, it was my Area Business Director calling. I was on leave, obviously, so this must be urgent. "You got it....," Yippeeeee, I got it! My promotion is confirmed!!! At last!!! Again, a hair-raiser. No less than our President has signed my promotion papers. Thank God indeed!

I pray that all these blessings will be shared to my loved ones...that all of us may be blessed...

So, who wouldn't say that life is like a box of chocolates?

Before I forget, we went to Coron, Palawan last June 12-14, 2009. I'll post about it some other time.

XOXO